Thursday, May 13, 2010


This is your captain speaking, brace yourself, as you are now reading the final blog post from Michael Maloney on the UNH Men's Lacrosse Blog. I've touched on this before, but today I bid the blog adieu as it is time for me to move on to the real world. As much as I wish that entailed me going on an MTV show for three months, unfortunately I'm headed into the real world, and not onto The Real World.

The blog has been great to me. It was a lot of fun, and watching it grow over time from just a few posts about our clinic, to a website with over 16,000 hits ranging from Inglewood, Calfornia to West Bengal, India. It has given me a place to write what I want, how I want, away from the rules and regulations of covering for newspapers. People telling me that they check the blog regularly and that cracks them up, only made me want to write more. It was grounding for me, which is usually pretty hard to do to with this ego. I want to thank all of the avid followers I've had since Day 1, parents of players, actual players, Tweeters, female fans, other teams and lacrosse websites. It has truly been a pleasure on this side of the computer.

Without its fearless leader, however, the blog will still live on. I have reluctantly passed it on to two or three players who are more than capable of keeping this ship afloat and hopefully make it sail to the point that we are literally kidnapping recruits from Hopkins. Speaking of that, many of you have read my complete liberal use of the word literally. Over time it has grown into a running joke, as people tend to misuse it all the time. Just imagine me running into a high school with a ski-mask on and kidnapping a recruit, literally. So, moving on to another job that isn't going to pay me any money, in my immense amount of free time in my final semester I have created a new monster. Literally Incorrect.

In all seriousness though, thank you to everyone who ever read the blog, told someone about the blog, or told me something to blog about. You made my life more enjoyable and I can only hope that I did the same with my run-on sentences and obscure Bruce Springsteen references. Comment on this post wishing the new guys the best of luck, and if you want to thank me just carry on your amazing loyalty to them as well to help this team grow. If you really wanna thank me, you can offer me a full-time job. (Seriously)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

End of The Year Blog Awards

The Pioneer Collegiate Lacrosse League recognizes the players that fill the stat sheets, and those who do their best to try and slow down the Offensive Player of The Year. However, there are many players that are left out, and truly keep the PCLL in tact. I am here to give them what is rightfully theirs. I give you the inaugural Blog All Stars.

Sideline Voice of The Year
Zack Scantron, for his rowdy antics all year, but especially for his dance at the UCONN game.

Best Nickname
A true toss up between Connor "C-Money" Murphy and Jeff "Blanco" White, but this one goes to Blanco as it has become universal enough that I literally just found out his name was Jeff today.

Quote of the Year
"Keep Your Com-BRO-sure." -Assistant Coach Ben Clark during a sideline conference with the man-up squad. Ben also received accolades for Best Facial Hair in league with Tim Harrington's lineup coming in a close second.

Most Useless Rookie
Jake Katz, in a landslide. Jake was nominated for never setting up the field, never carrying anything to Outer, and not participating in a single ball hunt because "it is my THIRD year of college lacrosse, I am not a rookie."

Likely 2012 Occupants of Young Drive
Dang Hutchins, JT Markley, Blanco, RJ, Drew O'Connor, C$, Gardiner, Evan "Stank" Flower.

Worst Left Hand
Dan Hutchins. Your Division I First Team close defender has a left hand that could make babies cry. Hutch will never throw lefty, but makes up for his crafty HTML skills. Jake Katz was not eligible for this award because he is a goaltender, however, it should be known that his left hand is worse than a lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Most Deceiving Athlete
John Tyler Markley. Great body, great abs, amazing closing speed, a well deserved actual All-Star. Do not be fooled, however, because I learned yesterday that he is terrible at volleyball, can't throw a football, and rides a moped. However, his Jai Alai skills will be unrivaled after his 12 month stint in China next season.

Best Tattoo on the Team
The CUSANO rib tat is really intense. Well not really intense, but pretty intense. However, Finnain "Spikehorn" Donovan shows his devotion to Vacationland with the outline of Maine tatted over his entire side. It almost makes me think that Maine is a real state.

Chillest Bro on the Squad
Two letters. R.J. No questions asked.

Hit of the Year
With stars glimmering in his eyes, Tom Nazzaro scooped a ground ball, and was one on with the goalie on his way to his first career goal. What he didn't know was that the goalie was the Peter Gabriel, who proceeded to absolutely demolish Naz in front of our largest crowd of the regular season. Dan Milano's was second, Joe "The Body Snatcher" Gardiner was third.

Best Dancer on the Team
Obviously, if it were up to me, I'd be claiming this hardware. However, to keep some integrity on the blog, it goes to both James Rubio and Scott LeMay who are both capable of burning holes in the dance floor.

Name That I Have Wanted To Put On The Blog All Season, But Have Not Had the Right Opportunity Other Than Obscure Awards That I Am Making Up On The Spot....Award
Rob Johnson. The Notorious R.O.B. is a staple of the squad, dominates the Gables, and has an iron jaw. To leave him out of this would be like leaving senior James Rubio off the PCLL All-Star team despite his 31 points, and stellar championship game. It would be unjust, unholy and just flat out wrong.

Congratulations to everyone who received awards. It is the highest honor on the Internet. You can claim your award at 34 Young Drive between the hours of fake and nothing o'clock p.m.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Several Wildcats Named to PCLL All-Conference Teams

In the annual PCLL end of season meeting, the coaches gathered from around New England to assemble the Dream Team of the PCLL. With every team sending at least one player to the All-Star game, there were seven Wildcats that were considered the cream of the metaphorical crop.

First Team
Yours Truly (midfield)
Evan Flower (attack)
Dang Hutchins (defense)

Second Team
Dan Milano (midfield)
Brennan Duke (defense)
John Tyler Markley (long stick midfield)

Honorable Mention
Jake Katz (goaltender/stand-up comedian)

In addition to these awards, Head Coach Jake Sullivan was named the PCLL Coach of the Year, and a UNH midfielder was named Offensive Player of the Year partly due to his 33 goals, but mostly for the stellar .29 assist per game average that he upheld over a 14 game stretch, very impressive if I do say so myself. Stay tuned for my hand-picked All-Star team based on categories that the PCLL doesn't (but should) recognize.

Monday, May 3, 2010

UNH Drops PCLL Title Game in Thriller

There really isn't too much to be said about what happened yesterday, as everyone reading this surely knows the end result. But being the dedicated resource that I am, I feel obligated to at least touch on the playoffs that happened in Durham this weekend.

After handling Northeastern 13-4 in the semifinals, we were set to play BC in the PCLL championship game. The number 1 seed vs. the number 2 seed, just the way the seeding gods had planned it. The Eagles were back-to-back-to-back PCLL Champions, and we were just a team having it's best season in recent history. BC went up 5-1 at half, but in an electric 3rd quarter the 'Cats put up 6 goals, and went into the fourth with a 7-6 lead. Then things got interesting. A two goal lead for UNH was erased with a minute and a half left, and the game was set for overtime. Of course.

BC possessed the ball for the entire overtime period, denying us even a single shot in the first four minute period, but Jake Katz literally played out of his mind, keeping our hopes at Denver alive. The game went into a second OT, where despite winning the faceoff, we were unable to hold possession. BC eventually got the right look, on a roll from x, and Christian Falco rolled one past Katz for the gamewinner that would ultimately end our season.

If there's a better way to lose a conference championship game, I haven't heard of it yet. That being said, its a double edged sword as the pain of it happening so fast is unrivaled. There was still an outside hope that we could receive one of six at large bids to Denver, however, this morning the committee announced the seedings and the 'Cats had been left off the guest list. Congratulations to Boston College who will play Colorado State University (#2) in Denver next weekend, and the UNH Wildcats for an 11-3 season that will not soon be forgotten.

(For more extensive coverage, pick up the newest issue of MCLA Mag, set to hit newsstands in the coming week or so. I wrote a very detailed article about the PCLL tournament and the championship game yesterday and really was in no rush to do it again here. Apologies)