The Pioneer Collegiate Lacrosse League recognizes the players that fill the stat sheets, and those who do their best to try and slow down the Offensive Player of The Year. However, there are many players that are left out, and truly keep the PCLL in tact. I am here to give them what is rightfully theirs. I give you the inaugural Blog All Stars.
Sideline Voice of The Year
Zack Scantron, for his rowdy antics all year, but especially for his dance at the UCONN game.
A true toss up between Connor "C-Money" Murphy and Jeff "Blanco" White, but this one goes to Blanco as it has become universal enough that I literally just found out his name was Jeff today.
Quote of the Year
"Keep Your Com-BRO-sure." -Assistant Coach Ben Clark during a sideline conference with the man-up squad. Ben also received accolades for Best Facial Hair in league with Tim Harrington's lineup coming in a close second.
Most Useless Rookie
Jake Katz, in a landslide. Jake was nominated for never setting up the field, never carrying anything to Outer, and not participating in a single ball hunt because "it is my THIRD year of college lacrosse, I am not a rookie."
Likely 2012 Occupants of Young Drive
Dang Hutchins, JT Markley, Blanco, RJ, Drew O'Connor, C$, Gardiner, Evan "Stank" Flower.
Worst Left Hand
Dan Hutchins. Your Division I First Team close defender has a left hand that could make babies cry. Hutch will never throw lefty, but makes up for his crafty HTML skills. Jake Katz was not eligible for this award because he is a goaltender, however, it should be known that his left hand is worse than a lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Most Deceiving Athlete
John Tyler Markley. Great body, great abs, amazing closing speed, a well deserved actual All-Star. Do not be fooled, however, because I learned yesterday that he is terrible at volleyball, can't throw a football, and rides a moped. However, his Jai Alai skills will be unrivaled after his 12 month stint in China next season.
Best Tattoo on the Team
The CUSANO rib tat is really intense. Well not really intense, but pretty intense. However, Finnain "Spikehorn" Donovan shows his devotion to Vacationland with the outline of Maine tatted over his entire side. It almost makes me think that Maine is a real state.
Chillest Bro on the Squad
Two letters. R.J. No questions asked.
Hit of the Year
With stars glimmering in his eyes, Tom Nazzaro scooped a ground ball, and was one on with the goalie on his way to his first career goal. What he didn't know was that the goalie was the Peter Gabriel, who proceeded to absolutely demolish Naz in front of our largest crowd of the regular season. Dan Milano's was second, Joe "The Body Snatcher" Gardiner was third.
Best Dancer on the Team
Obviously, if it were up to me, I'd be claiming this hardware. However, to keep some integrity on the blog, it goes to both James Rubio and Scott LeMay who are both capable of burning holes in the dance floor.
Name That I Have Wanted To Put On The Blog All Season, But Have Not Had the Right Opportunity Other Than Obscure Awards That I Am Making Up On The Spot....Award
Rob Johnson. The Notorious R.O.B. is a staple of the squad, dominates the Gables, and has an iron jaw. To leave him out of this would be like leaving senior James Rubio off the PCLL All-Star team despite his 31 points, and stellar championship game. It would be unjust, unholy and just flat out wrong.
Congratulations to everyone who received awards. It is the highest honor on the Internet. You can claim your award at 34 Young Drive between the hours of fake and nothing o'clock p.m.